5 Worst Movies Ever Made

1. Dead Leaves


I hate this movie with every fiber of my being. I reviewed it for another website's column and it was one of the worst things I've ever had to sit through. "Ugly" sums this movie up in a nutshell perfectly as it applies to almost every facet of the movie.

The artwork is horrid and garish, the editing is too kinetic, the jokes are crass, and the characters themselves are just horrible in general. For crying out loud, the two leads fall in love after the "male" essentially rapes the woman.

This movie's just painful. It's uneasy on the eyes, headache inducing, the jokes all fail, and the material itself is just unpleasant. Even though it's only fifty minutes long, it felt like six hours. Considering the film, in question, believe me, I did not want to feel like experiencing six hours of this.

You know, most movies have at least one redeeming quality, something that viewers can point to that stands out as being decent. For example, while "Ghost Rider" was quite bad, Sam Elliot was awesome and, on a more superficial level, Eva Mendes was quite easy on the eyes. "Dead Leaves" on the other hand has absolutely no redeeming qualities. It is a failure, a disgrace, and a horrid piece of film. It's an abomination both to film and to the world in general to the point where it could very well qualify as a crime against humanity.

Oh, and in regards to its IMDB rating of 7.1 and its 4 star rating on Amazon, no...just, no.





2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen


I know, Michael Bay gets a bad rap from a lot of people to the point where he's sort of the go to guy for movie fans to pick on. Honestly though, I can enjoy his films for what they are. There's nothing wrong with occasionally indulging in a big, dumb action movie. I even enjoyed the first Transformers movie, but the sequel? Oy vay.

It's amazing how the movie can go for 2 1/2 hours, and yet have nothing happen. It's one of the most meandering, go nowhere plots I've ever seen. The jokes were forced to the point of discomfort, those robot twins were annoying and racist, and it was just a painful movie to sit through.

The 3 on 1 fight where Optimus took on those decepticons was pretty cool, I will grant the movie that, but it isn't enough to make up for everything that's wrong with this movie.




3. Cheech and Chong Movies


I don't get why these movies are so revered. They're awful. The jokes are lame and there isn't a story to speak of. The movie's just sort of there with nothing to show for it once it's done. I know this isn't a specific movie, but they're all the same anyway. There's no real distinction between any of them and they're all equally bad so I'm throwing their entire filmography under the bus on this one.



4. Turkish Star Wars


Some people can enjoy this movie on a "so bad it's good" level. Normally, I'm a fan of those types of movies. I have "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" in my movie library. This, however, goes too far. It's one of the most incoherent, amateurish things I've ever seen in my life. A hyperactive 8 year old on a sugar rush can put together a better movie. The only reason to watch this is to put your sanity to the test. Honestly, even the likes of Cthulu have nothing on this piece of work.




5. Citizen Kane

Greatest movie ever? Not quite, on the contrary, it doesn't even crack my top 100. A more appropriate category would be "clown shoes". This movie's boring. I know, some people write off that criticism, though I don't know why, it's a legitimate complaint. If a movie can't hold my interest, than it fails on even a basic level. The story goes nowhere, the characters are flat and uninteresting, and the final revelation is anti-climactic. These are hardly the makings of an all time classic.