Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The X-Men's Sentinels Make No Sense

One of the first articles that I wrote centered around the faulty metaphor that acts as the lynch-pin for the X-Men franchise. However, that isn't the only thing that doesn't work about this comic. After giving it some thought, I realized that the sentinels make no sense whatsoever.

For those unfamiliar with the comic, sentinels are giant robots that are designed to hunt down mutants. Yes, you read that right. I have a question, who's paying for this? No, really, our government spends a lot of money on relatively simple things like planes and tanks. Can you imagine how much it would cost to build just one of these things? They're five stories tall for crying out loud. Yet, here there are hundreds, if not thousands of them being produced en masse.

Even if you were to ignore our current government's fiscal woes and pretend that the U.S. government of the Marvel Universe has no debt or deficit so that they would even have a chance of being able to fund this, this is a gross misuse of taxpayer dollars. No one on either end of the political spectrum would go along with this.

Going back to the money problem, you can't even say that it would be funded by private corporations because there's no profit in it unless there's some sort of military contract, which brings us back to the government.

Speaking of which, why doesn't the military use this technology? Could you imagine the sort of advantage we would have against enemies if we just sent our army of giant robots to rain down fiery death? Why aren't other countries terrified about the existence of these things? You'd think that the U.N might have something to say about a country having a vast army of death robots.

While creating counter-measures to combat mutants when they want to wreak havoc is understandable, this just doesn't seem like the way to do it. The Marvel Universe has established that there is technology capable of suppressing powers, whether it's via "cure" or an electronic collar. I would think that you would be better off putting your money into things like that rather than something as outlandish as giant robots. Giant robots are cool and all, but it just doesn't seem feasible.

I know that comics require a certain suspension of disbelief. Maybe it's unfair to chide something like this when I'm more than willing to buy into the functionality of the Green Lantern ring, but that's how suspension of disbelief works. Fantastical elements can work in a franchise that has it, whereas something as quasi-realistic as giant robots makes no sense in the context of a somewhat real world setting.

My Top 5 Marvel Cinematic Universe Movies I'd Like to see get Made after 'The Avengers'

*Originally published on 3/3/12


Introduction


Since 2008, Marvel Studios has been building up a cohesive universe with it's recent batch of superhero films. From the two Iron Man movies, to The Incredible Hulk, to Thor, and most recently, to Captain America, seeds have been planted that show that all of these movies are taking place in the same continuity.

From the beginning, it was planned to cap it all off with an Avengers movie where all of the heroes teamed up to fight off a major threat. That movie is set to hit theaters this May.

Fortunately, this won't mark the end of the Marvel Cinematic Universe as another Iron Man sequel is planned as well as sequels to Thor and Captain America.

While it hasn't been announced yet, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that a sequel to The Avengers would be coming later on down the line.

This is all well and good, but I can't help but feel like there are other movies and franchises that can be incorporated into this growing universe. I'm more of a DC guy, but I still have some ideas for movies that would work out rather well.




1. The Incredible Hulk 2


Every other hero is getting a sequel. I think it's only fair that Hulk gets one too. The recent movie was good and did so much right. More than that, it had an awesome sequel hook, setting up the creation of major Marvel baddie, The Leader.

Some say that he might show up in an Avengers sequel, but that's not a guarantee, and I would hate to see such a loose end left wide open.

While I'm guessing that Ed Norton wouldn't be returning to the role, it would give new Hulk, Mark Ruffalo a chance to cement his status as the new Bruce Banner by working with the cast and characters introduced in the 2008 film.




2. Doctor Strange

I recall hearing a while back that there were loose talks about bringing Doctor Strange, Marvel's sorcerer supreme, into the ongoing filmverse. As this is one of the few Marvel characters I check in on from time to time, I'm all for the idea.

More than that, there was talk that the script would be written by Neil Gaiman and directed by Guillermo Del Toro. Honestly, you could not come up with a more perfect pairing for this movie.

Between the two of them, the end result is guaranteed to be a feast for the eyes. It will certainly deliver something unlike any of the movies seen before it.

The one downside is that it would have to incorporate magic and even Thor sort of hinted at the idea that there is no magic, just really advanced science, but I'm sure that they could work something out.




3. Black Panther


I know very little about this character to be quite honest. From what I've read, he's a bit of a Marty Stu and the BET animated series was, quite frankly, not very good.

Still, I feel like there's potential for the character. As long as the writers handle him well and don't go overboard, he should make an interesting addition. He does have a unique backstory and he would add a bit of flavor to the hero roster.




4. Namor

At first glance, you'd think that this guy was just Marvel's even lamer iteration of Aquaman. While I haven't read any of the comics, I've heard from a variety of sources that Namor is one bad dude and many fans actually hold him in high regard.




5. She-Hulk


I considered using Ms. Marvel (and quite frankly, I wouldn't mind seeing a movie made about her either) but I decided to go with She-Hulk. With Hulk already established, one doesn't need to go too far into her origin story, allowing more time to tell a story.

She Hulk is also one of the more light, fun oriented characters out there. Considering that seems to be the tone that Marvel is going for with these movies (in contrast to DC's attempt to make everything gritty and realistic), I think that she would fit in quite well.





Final thoughts


As said before, I'm a DC guy, but I still see a boatload of potential with this cohesive universe. Sadly, a lot of other Marvel characters are owned by other studios, meaning that they can't get incorporated, but Marvel still has a bevy of characters in their respective sandbox to play with. Let's hope that they get the chance to use them at some point down the line.

5 Worst Movies Ever Made

1. Dead Leaves


I hate this movie with every fiber of my being. I reviewed it for another website's column and it was one of the worst things I've ever had to sit through. "Ugly" sums this movie up in a nutshell perfectly as it applies to almost every facet of the movie.

The artwork is horrid and garish, the editing is too kinetic, the jokes are crass, and the characters themselves are just horrible in general. For crying out loud, the two leads fall in love after the "male" essentially rapes the woman.

This movie's just painful. It's uneasy on the eyes, headache inducing, the jokes all fail, and the material itself is just unpleasant. Even though it's only fifty minutes long, it felt like six hours. Considering the film, in question, believe me, I did not want to feel like experiencing six hours of this.

You know, most movies have at least one redeeming quality, something that viewers can point to that stands out as being decent. For example, while "Ghost Rider" was quite bad, Sam Elliot was awesome and, on a more superficial level, Eva Mendes was quite easy on the eyes. "Dead Leaves" on the other hand has absolutely no redeeming qualities. It is a failure, a disgrace, and a horrid piece of film. It's an abomination both to film and to the world in general to the point where it could very well qualify as a crime against humanity.

Oh, and in regards to its IMDB rating of 7.1 and its 4 star rating on Amazon, no...just, no.





2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen


I know, Michael Bay gets a bad rap from a lot of people to the point where he's sort of the go to guy for movie fans to pick on. Honestly though, I can enjoy his films for what they are. There's nothing wrong with occasionally indulging in a big, dumb action movie. I even enjoyed the first Transformers movie, but the sequel? Oy vay.

It's amazing how the movie can go for 2 1/2 hours, and yet have nothing happen. It's one of the most meandering, go nowhere plots I've ever seen. The jokes were forced to the point of discomfort, those robot twins were annoying and racist, and it was just a painful movie to sit through.

The 3 on 1 fight where Optimus took on those decepticons was pretty cool, I will grant the movie that, but it isn't enough to make up for everything that's wrong with this movie.




3. Cheech and Chong Movies


I don't get why these movies are so revered. They're awful. The jokes are lame and there isn't a story to speak of. The movie's just sort of there with nothing to show for it once it's done. I know this isn't a specific movie, but they're all the same anyway. There's no real distinction between any of them and they're all equally bad so I'm throwing their entire filmography under the bus on this one.



4. Turkish Star Wars


Some people can enjoy this movie on a "so bad it's good" level. Normally, I'm a fan of those types of movies. I have "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" in my movie library. This, however, goes too far. It's one of the most incoherent, amateurish things I've ever seen in my life. A hyperactive 8 year old on a sugar rush can put together a better movie. The only reason to watch this is to put your sanity to the test. Honestly, even the likes of Cthulu have nothing on this piece of work.




5. Citizen Kane

Greatest movie ever? Not quite, on the contrary, it doesn't even crack my top 100. A more appropriate category would be "clown shoes". This movie's boring. I know, some people write off that criticism, though I don't know why, it's a legitimate complaint. If a movie can't hold my interest, than it fails on even a basic level. The story goes nowhere, the characters are flat and uninteresting, and the final revelation is anti-climactic. These are hardly the makings of an all time classic.

Monday, December 1, 2014

'Revival' by Stephen King novel review

You can read my review here.








Pros

- Great characters who have strong arcs.  The story allows you to connect with them as they go through a life changing journey that spans decades.

- The finale is dark, creepy, and disturbing.  It's all the more gripping and fun to read because of it.



Cons


- The scares don't really come until the final 10% of the book




Overall


If you're patient and willing to wait for the payoff, this delivers what you would come to expect from King.  While I enjoyed the characters' life stories, I can see why some would not want to wait that long for things to get real.  I enjoyed the book, but there's a chance that it won't be what you're looking for in a horror novel.











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Daily Dose of Awesome: Cookies n' Cream Ice Cream

I honestly don't know what it is about vanilla ice cream and crumbled up Oreo cookies that make the two go so well together, but boy do they ever.

It's so good that even my sister, who is adamant about her dislike for chocolate, enjoys it from time to time. Back when we were in school, her bus would drop her (as well as some other kids) in a parking lot outside a McDonald's.  From time to time we would stop off at the drive thru for some Oreo McFlurries, which is basically just C n' C ice cream.  It was good times.

When I go to Dairy Queen, I tend to get the Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard, but they have Oreo as an option.  Again, it's just Cookies n' Cream ice cream, but it is no doubt a major seller.

They also sell it as a flavor in the frozen food aisle of grocery stores.  The concept is brilliant in its simplicity and its quite clear that the flavor has grown pretty popular over the years.

While it may not be summer, you can still enjoy some cookies n' cream ice cream.  Whether you buy it at one of the aforementioned chains or at your local grocer doesn't matter because either way you are guaranteed what the internet refers to as "delicious noms".

The Top 5 Reasons that the Last Airbender movie didn't work

*Originally published on 3/8/2012



I'm a big fan of "Avatar: The Last Airbender". It's a show that, not only lived up to the hype, but surpassed it as well. I had heard that the cinematic adaptation was rather terrible, but didn't get a chance to sit down and watch it until recently.

It really is quite bad. I know, this list is a bit late and I'm probably beating a dead horse, but I wanted to comment on it regardless and give some reasons why I think that the movie failed the way it did when it had such strong source material to work from.



1. Too much content for two hours


This movie attempted to take about a half dozen episodes from the first season and string them together to make a movie. It didn't really work out.

Because the script is trying to cram so much material into the 1 hour and 40 minute run time, everything feels rushed. Stuff happens and then its forgotten.

The show gave all of these ideas time to develop and resonate, but the movie doesn't have that kind of time so it just jumps ahead. This makes the film very choppy as a result.





2. Where's the fun?


The show is bright and fun. There's a healthy dose of humor and all of the characters have distinct personalities. The movie is dire and serious. There's no life or charm to it. It's just there.

The show was a delight to watch, this had the opposite effect.




3. The script was in drastic need of a rewrite

The clunkiness of this dialogue needs to be heard to be believed. Honestly, you have to make a sincere effort to write a script like this. It's mind boggling. I have no idea how Shyamalan looked at this script and said "yep, this is good stuff". Same goes for the studio executives who backed this.

It's almost like they green lit a first draft. That's the only thing that makes sense to me. They didn't want to revise it, so they just went ahead with what they had, and this is what we got as a result.




4. None of the characters have any personality

I mentioned before how all of the characters are serious and brooding, but more than that, they have no personality. You learn next to nothing about Sokka and Katara over the course of the film and you get no sense for their characters.

I thought that the character who played Aang was close. In his early scenes, he does smile and, while not as upbeat as his animated counterpart, it seemed like he was close enough that I was going to give him some credit. Sadly, he loses that and becomes dour and serious just like the rest of them.

It's made worse by the fact that the movie is pretty much entirely exposition. All of the characters are just mouth pieces used to get plot points and ideas across and they never really have a chance to become real people.




5. Anti-climax aplenty

"Siege of the North" stands as one of the major highlights of the entire show. It's epic, it's gripping, and it really was one of the pinnacle episodes.

The movie takes all of that and mangles it. The death of the moon spirit has absolutely no tension behind it as Yue sacrifices herself all of 30 seconds later to bring it back to life and we don't get the cool giant fish water god monster thing that Aang turned into in the show.

I'll admit that last point is a nitpick, and I'll totally cop to the hypocrisy since I always rolled my eyes when "Watchmen" fans complained about the lack of giant squid in the film version of the comic, but it still bugged me.



Final thoughts


Shyamalan had such strong material to work with, but he couldn't make it gel. It wasn't lack of dedication. He stuck to the narrative of the show and even took sequences directly from it. He was faithful to the source material in that respect; I will give him that much, but man, this movie...not good.

My Top 5 Inspirational Montage Songs

Music has an influence over our emotions. It can cheer us up or leave us melancholy. It also has the power to inspire us, to fill us with energy we didn't think we had to accomplish tasks that seemed out of reach. These types of songs are often used in Hollywood for their underdog story when the hero pushes him/herself to the limit to try and tap into their dormant potential. These songs can also help you get pumped up to try and accomplish a goal that you may have as well, no matter how far out of reach it may seem. While there are plenty of songs that have such an effect, these are the ones that I've found to be the most effective. Here are my top five inspirational "montage" songs.


1. "You're the Best Around" by Joe Esposito

This song is best known for its use in "The Karate Kid". Like "The Final Countdown", I have used this song to get myself pumped up for whatever task I aim to accomplish. I defy you to listen to this song and not feel pumped up and ready to go. It simply isn't possible. This too has the power to make mundane tasks feel all the more epic. It puts you in the frame of mind that you can do anything, and that is key when finding montage music to get you motivated.




2. "The Final Countdown" by Europe

I'm surprised no movie has used this yet, because honestly, it screams montage track. I can tell you first hand that this song works as well as the others listed. My roommates and I went to the gym one day and, after biking 12 miles, my legs were starting to give out. I had my iPod with me, and set it to play this song. Before you knew it, I had found my second wind and was able to keep going as if I had just started the session. Such is the power of montage music.



3. "Live to Win" by Paul Stanley

Many of you will, most likely, recognize this as the song that played during the "World of Warcraft" episode of South Park, when the kids were in the forest killing boars, trying to level up to battle the griefer. Not only does this work as an inspirational montage song, but it also has a head banging rock feel to it, which makes it all the more fun to listen to.



4. "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor

Another song from the "Rocky" series. Like the theme, it's effective, but fairly obvious. This will get you pumped up and ready to take on whatever challenge you face. Even the most mundane of tasks will take on an epic feel when you set it to this song, making you feel all the more confident and assertive.




5. The Rocky Theme

I'm putting this one on the bottom because it's so bloody obvious. Don't get me wrong, it works. It works great, but it's kind of the quintessential montage song. It's been used quite a bit, but make no mistake, this song will inspire you and get you going. It also possesses a sort of triumphant undertone, which is especially appropriate if you accomplish what you were trying to do.




Final thoughts

When listening to these songs and finding ways to apply them, the first thought will be exercise. They do work well as a workout soundtrack, but these songs can be used for other tasks. Even something as mundane as paperwork or taxes. These songs will pump you up and give you a boost of confidence that you didn't have before. It will give you that extra push needed to accomplish the harder to reach goals, allowing you to achieve even more than you thought possible.