Being the perfect spouse

*Originally published on 3/17/2008




There are quite a few articles on how to be the perfect wife or husband. As I found things in both articles that I disagreed with I thought I'd go ahead and throw in my own two cents. To be frank, there is no such thing as the perfect spouse. The title of this article is rather misleading in that way but that doesn't mean that we can't be the best dang spouse we can.

It's true we all have our faults and its important that the spouse can accept you as the person that you are. It irks me when women refer to men as "fixer uppers" or as simply requiring "training". If you are going to love a person and spend the rest of your life with him or her, you need to get that sort of thinking out of your system. That being said, don't be afraid to have some standards. If your spouse is abusive (physically, verbally, or emotionally) then you sure as hell should get out of there.

You don't deserve that, this goes to both men and women. Ladies, if you're with a guy who constantly cheats on you or strikes you then show him that you're tougher then that and leave. Men, you don't need to be stuck with a nagging harridan who belittles you and constantly tries to show you up. Sitcoms have consistently shown men to be in the wrong on most issues but you shouldn't just sit there and take it.

A little consideration goes a long way. If you are in a "traditional" relationship (i.e man works, woman stays home) then it's important that both acknowledge the other's contribution. A wife may have no problem cooking you dinner or keeping the house clean, just make sure you let her know that you appreciate what she does. This goes the other way too, working a full time job is tiring and sometimes we just want to relax.

Asking us to help out when we can is not an unreasonable request but also know that we work hard too and we may not always be in the mood to vacuum or do the laundry. Even if it's reversed or if both members work, the same applies. In closing this paragraph I'm going to address a problem that seems to plague many couples across America. Men, put the seat down; women, occasionally we're going to forget to put the seat down, don't make such a big deal out of it.

Gestures are also important. You love this person after all, show him or her. Flowers and romantic dinners are nice, but a homemade meal from the person who doesn't usually cook is a much grander gesture. Even if it's just ravioli with tomato sauce. Your spouse will appreciate that you went out of your way to make the other's life a bit easier. Breakfast in bed, taking care of them when their sick, renting their favorite movie, these are all great things that you can do.

They show that you care and you don't have to alter who you are to do it. On the other side, gratitude is important. If your spouse does something like this be sure to look in their eyes and sincerely thank them. There's nothing wrong with showing affection. True, some PDA is considered distasteful, but holding the other person's hand or stroking the other person's face or hair will work in this case. It creates a sense of intimacy that a relationship like this requires.

I'm a big proponent of the 50/50 ratio when it comes to relationships. This sort of thing is important when trying to decide what to eat or what movie to go see. It's a small thing but stuff like this tends to add up over the years. Men, you're going to have to sit through some chick flicks. Women, there's nothing wrong with sitting down to watch Predator it's not a cuddly movie but it will make your husband happy. If both people do everything they can to make the other happy, then both will end up happy.

Finally, it's very important that you do, in fact, love the person. You can't force the sort of connection required to make this work so be patient. Nowadays if you're in your 30's and unmarried society looks at you funny. Don't let it get to you. If the person wasn't right then you're better off rather then trying to force the square peg into the circle hole.

Mostly, it just boils down to the golden rule, empathy and consideration.