*originally published on 7/12/09
I always thought that Michael Bay got a bad rap. I mean people truly seem to hate him. OK, his movies aren't brilliant masterpieces but I've always been able to enjoy them for what they were. The first Transformers had its faults, but it was ultimately enjoyable for me. What I'd heard about the sequel was that the critics hated it and the moviegoers loved it. More often than not in these situations, I go on the side of the moviegoers as that is the category I fall into.
This movie though? This...this movie's terrible! I knew about most of the major plot elements from various reviews, but it still left me in a speechless shock. It had the same effect on my roommates. I mentioned how the first one had it's flaws, most sequels try to fix them and deliver a better movie. Bay, however, did the opposite. He took everything that was wrong with the first movie and expanded on it, practically wiping out the good.
Nothing can prepare your brain for what you're going to see in this movie. Nothing. It's just as bad as Two-Face using Zeppelins to dump acid on Gotham. I knew about that beforehand and still, when I got to those pages I had to stop for a second to just go "...what the hell?" This movie is the same.
Even more amazing is the fact that it goes on for 2 and a half hours (the same length as The Dark Knight) and yet...nothing happens!!! It's really uncanny how the movie meanders about. It's like Countdown to Final Crisis in that it tries to add weight by having plot after plot after plot and ultimately go nowhere and accomplish nothing.
What's sad is that this movie made money, and they're already planning a sequel. I..gah. Last summer kicked ass as far as movies go, why did we take a huge step backwards? Star Trek was pretty good, Up was great, Drag Me to Hell was quite a bit of fun, and The Hangover was hilarious but beyond that it's been stinkers all around. I want 2008 back please, k thanks bye.
People complained about the twins, and yes they are quite bad and as racist as people said, but they weren't in the film all that much. A lot of characters didn't seem to be in it all that much, Megatron, Optimus, even Tyrese and Josh Duhamel have minor roles. There are a lot more robots, but they don't really seem to have names and they all look the freaking same, even more so than in the first one.
Yes, Megan Fox is still comely (though she looked better in the first one) and I could listen to Peter Cullen talk forever, there are a couple of good moments of genuine entertainment, but those only get you so far.
Movies like this are what lend credence to the belief that piracy is a good thing. Even with that though, don't bother. Use those 2 and a half hours for something better. I know this review is too little too late. The movie already made a ton of money, which will in turn tell the studios that it's OK to give us movies like this. It's not; it really is not OK. We deserve better, people.
You can read my reviewstream review here.
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