Roland Deschain vs. Jonah Hex

*Originally published on 6/4/09



Every once in a while I like to do an article that's a bit more fun and easy going.  It's juvenile and doesn't really accomplish much but my brain likes to imagine confrontations between fictional characters and try to decide who would win.  I wrote one article for Associated Content that pit Batman against Superman and I wrote another that pit Superman against Wonder Woman.  This time my brain decided to pit Roland Deschain, hero of the epic Dark Tower series against western DC Comics bounty hunter Jonah Hex.

Both are one man armies that can, and have, decimated entire towns single handedly.  They have both reached the status of legend in their own respective worlds.  Both are quick on the draw and have cat-like reflexes.  Both men are very driven and will fight to their last breath in a fight.

Forget the O.K. Corral, this is the gunfight to end all gunfights.  Neither one of these characters will be going down in one shot.  Both are extremely resilient.  Jonah Hex has been mortally wounded several times in the comic yet lives on to fight.  Roland spent a large chunk of The Drawing of the Three with poison from rock lobsters pumping through his veins and still managed to shamble onward.  I guarantee you that both will have emptied one, if not both, of their guns at least once before this fight is done.  Still, I think Jonah's got the edge here. He's endured a lot of torture at the hands of his foes and rarely does it ever phase him.

As quick as Jonah is, I think Roland's got him beat here.  Remember, he was able to hypnotize people by rotating a coin over his fingers so quickly that it practically became a blur.  Jonah's fast on the draw, but that's practically supernaturally fast.  In a fight like this, even milliseconds count.  Roland will be able to get the first shot off.  It may be just barely, but really that's all he needs to get the advantage.

Roland also has an advantage in that he's been training since childhood.  Jonah did fight in the Civil War and has been a bounty hunter ever since, but Roland's got him beat.
If it gets to close combat, I think Jonah would have the advantage as he seems to have more of that brawler mentality.

I really have no clue who would win, which just makes me want to see the fight that much more.  Of course, seeing as both characters serve on the side of justice and follow codes of honor, they probably wouldn't fight.  If they did, the best guess I can come up with is that they'd both end up dead.  Neither one would go down easy and both characters are in for the fight of their life, but that's the best I can come to a concrete conclusion to this showdown.