Batman vs. Edward Cullen

*Originally published on 11/25/09




You know, for someone who many claim can defeat Galactus as long as you gave him time to prepare, the Dark Knight is getting pummeled by a vegetarian vampire who sparkles in the sun. First, The Dark Knight loses to Twilight at the MTV movie awards. And now the sequel, New Moon, has broken its midnight box office sales. I think it beat the one-day ticket sales too, but I'm not sure on that one. Batman is 0-2 when his movie was pit against Cullen's. But how would the characters fare in a battle? Given recent events, I thought it apt to pit these two against each other in combat.
Now, Batman's taken on vampires before. There was a story arc called Red Rain, where vampires attack Gotham city. I haven't read it myself, but I believe it ends with Batman being turned into a vampire himself.

There was also an animated Batman vs. Dracula direct to video movie based on the WB series that aired after Batman: The Animated Series ended. While the show never really grew on me, I have to admit that the movie was quite good. I was no fan of that "interpretation" of the Joker, but turn that into a vampire and all of a sudden it's one of the creepiest things ever.

Now, common sense would dictate that Batman would win. He doesn't even really need time to prepare as the weaknesses of vampires are well documented. However, in a bit of fridge brilliance, Stephanie Meyer removed almost all of those weaknesses when she crafted Edward Cullen. Sunlight doesn't kill him, and I don't think religious items like crosses have any effect. I doubt even a stake through the heart would really kill him. Does garlic have any effect on these vamps? I don't believe so, but I'm no expert. Let's just say that it doesn't for the sake of argument. This means that decapitation is, most likely, the best bet in taking the win.

One element from the aforementioned animated movie that I rather liked was the fact that Batman tried to develop a "cure" to vampirism. It stayed in line with Batman's refusal to ever take a life. As such, I doubt Batman would be willing to cut off Edward's head, even though he is quite skilled with a sword.

On the contrary, he would most likely try to develop a cure as he did in the film. I know, this goes against my previous argument where I called that prerequisite out on being complete BS, but in this case it is sort of justified as vampirism is a disease in the books if I recall correctly. I remember there being mention of some kind of venom that gets into your blood so I'm calling extenuating circumstances in that regard.

However, in the interest of fairness, let's remove that from the equation. Let's say Batman has no cure and he's come to rescue Bella from the evil monsters and Edward will have none of it. The two face off in a one on one bout, maybe not to the death, but to the point where the other is clearly defeated.

Cullen does have the advantage when it comes to both strength and speed. One hit from Cullen will send Batman flying into a wall. While he's resilient, there are only so many hits against cement that a guy can take. However, Batman is no stranger to overcoming great odds like this. Bane was much stronger than Batman, and even managed to break his back, but Batman came back and now regularly defeats him in combat. Bane, of course, has an obvious weakness that Cullen doesn't. However, Killer Croc is another enemy that grossly outmatches the Dark Knight when it comes to strength and he has no such weakness. Even so, Batman manages to gain the upper hand in those confrontations.

I think it depends on the setting. If it's a straight fight in broad daylight, than Cullen has it, Batman wouldn't be able to keep track of Cullen's great speed and he would just get continuously tossed around like a ragdoll. But if you had it in the forests that the vampires frequent, than Batman would be able to use his stealth and guile to throw Cullen off his game and engage in ninja like guerilla warfare, striking quickly, only to return to the shadows. It would also give Batman a better opportunity to put his gadgets to use, disorienting the vamp with either explosive or electric batarangs and smoke pellets to give him a further edge. Though if Batman does get hit, he'll get thrown into oak trees, which is no less painful than a wall.

I tried to put aside my own biases and look at this rationally. I'm sure many will disagree with my assessment, but that's just the way I see it. You wouldn't think it, but this is actually a fairly fascinating crossover and I wouldn't mind seeing these two character go mono e mono.