Darkseid vs. The Care Bears

*Originally published on 5/10/11




I never really got into the Care Bears. Even when I was young enough to be considered part of their target demographic, I always dismissed the franchise. Seeing some comedic internet reviewers riff on some of the various movies and comics that have been released has pretty much confirmed that this was the right choice of action.

Seeing these reviews, I couldn't help but note that the antagonists were always some dark force of evil that tried to get people to stop caring for...some reason. There were villains like "Dark Heart" and later, "No Heart", who would try to spread hate and callousness wherever they could. Being a comic fan, my mind went immediately to Darkseid, the DC Comics villain who rules over the world of Apokolips with an iron fist. He too robs people of any vestige of free will and emotion so that you can live, suffer, and die for him and him alone.

I don't know why my brain decided that this would be an interesting hypothetical crossover, but it's too late to stop now, so I'm just going to roll with it.

Now, most DC fans are going to be irate at the very idea. This is freaking Darkseid and I'm pitting him against the care bears? Even if Darkseid annihilates the stuffed animals (which he would), it would still result in villain decay just by the very nature of the battle.

You're probably right, but there are two things to keep in mind. The first is that it's funny. The second is that, from a story standpoint, you can almost see it working. The Care Bears are all about spreading hope and positive energy, whereas Darkseid lives to crush such foolish sentiments. As such, "Carealot" would make a prime target for Darkseid's wrath.

Going by the idea that Darkseid is a sort of psychic vampire (an idea hinted at in the DCAU series) that feeds on the pain and anguish of others, I can only imagine how much power he would derive from breaking the spirits of those as pure hearted as the Care Bears.

No joke, I would pay good money to see a short film where the Care Bears try to mount a resistance against the forces of Apokolips; female furies, parademons, and all. The bears would all fire their "Care Bear Stare" (why is it called a stare when the beam comes from their chest?) only to see that it has no effect on one so evil as Darkseid. Darkseid would, of course, return the favor by showing them the true power of his Omega beams.

While the more traditional version of Darkseid would make a great foil, I could see the Smallville incarnation working just as well. As that iteration seeks out the darkness in people's hearts and takes them over like a demon, it would be in line with the sort of thing that the Care Bears deal with on a regular basis.

Whether they would fare any better? I'm not sure. We haven't really seen this version of Darkseid featured in any prominent capacity yet (something which vexes me to be honest) so I couldn't tell you if he would be an even greater threat or one that the Bears actually have a chance of standing up against.

Another interesting take would be to see how the Care Bears handle the Final Crisis iteration of Darkseid. There, his concentrated evil is so great that it actually results in a multiversal collapse. It would be interesting to see how that would play out in a realm such as Carealot. Who knows? Maybe the positive energy of their stare would somehow keep the singularity at bay.

Clearly, I've put way too much thought into this. Though now that I think about it, all of this talk of positive emotions is making me wonder how the Care Bears would fare against someone like Vigo the Carpathian. Hmmm, next time.